Aloha Grayson,

This post reminds me of the day I received news of my brother in spirit who ended his life by carbon monoxide affixation. He was found dead in his car with all car windows open, garage windows and doors closed. Car idling in park. Based on the coroner’s autopsy, apparently one of his last actions was a hearty pull of scotch along with a couple Ativans.

He and I took the time and effort to co-create a hearty, healthy friendship while we completed tasks to become ordained Buddhist monks. Post ordination we took separate paths to be of service. Connected from time to time. Over the decades we lost touch after we both rose in ranks / got simply too busy to remember to say — hey.

At his wake I learned why he decided at 49 to opt-out of life. He apparently felt convinced that too many were more interested in trading their time and health for fame and wealth. His passion and skills to help souls awaken to their calling — ignored (actively avoided) by too many for too long.

Depression set in.

A downward spiral screwed the last sense of hope out of him.

I imagine he wondered, “why bother being of service if no one wants what I have to offer.”

Frankly — I’ve ponded this same issue each time a student or client puts up yet another excuse or procrastinates on the exercises they commit to in class or coaching. Luckily, over the years, I learned how to screen those who have the best intentions to get to work (buy a gym membership but never goes to the gym) from those ready, willing and more than able to just do it.

The people close to him at the time of his departure noted how they sensed things were off — but — frankly — believed him to be capable to press on given his skills. Monks don’t kill themselves — right?

The lesson I learned, summed in your last paragraph:

to be better, kinder, and more compassionate towards those around us.

For me, I’ll add: “and towards those we’ve lost touch with.”

Thank you for the post. Thank you for the follow.