Last October I flew from my Hawai'ian home to my birth state - Iowa to proceed directly to my eldest sister's ICU bed. I sensed the journey waiting for me would challenge me on levels I had yet to fathom.

My devoutly Catholic family tolerated me during my visit. They paid zero mind to the skills I possess when Sis entered in Hospice (skills I learned while at the beside of over 40+ clients who eventually passed due to AIDS back in the 90's).

Thankfully Sis and I had a couple hours of clarity to connect, laugh, cry and say what we needed to say.

When her family threw a hasty funeral together apparently my role as her brother lapsed that day. No seat at the family table for me. Sat in the back of the room.

On my flight home I realized I just experienced one of the most powerful lessons regarding expectations. The learned lesson = let ALL (absolutely ALL) expectations go - especially during times of death.

Jim - I feel ya. Know I do. For what it's worth from a complete stranger know you've got ears and shoulders at the ready - ready to dissolve pain one tear at a time.