Good question Nancy. Mahalo... Personally, I avoid expectations. My Buddhist training teaches me that actions requiring a reaction creates expectations. Expectations are often primary sources for pain and suffering.

Cultural norms (me being that that when you bring me a meal when I'm sick = I must bring you a meal when you're sick) - all well and good providing you release any need to expect me to bring you a meal when you're sick.

If - for some reason - a reason you're not aware of - I do not bring you a meal when you're sick - then what? Do I fall out of favor with you? If I'm sick and then get mad at you because you didn't bring me a meal - because I didn't bring you a meal - are we now even?

Many cultural / social norms unfortunately embed manipulation into the norm. The act of manipulation - if agreed to - as in - bring food when ill - is 100% mutually, joyfully, willingly agreed to - wonderful. However?

What happens if I'm totally clueless to your cultural / social norms. Maybe I don't know I owe you a kindness when you're sick because you were good to me when I was sick? I'm 100% unaware of my duty to return your kindness?

Do you forgive my ignorance or take my ignorance into account the next time you ponder doing something good for me?

Wonderful questions to explore. Thank you for open the space for more insights ;)