In a unique marketing move Trump liquidated USA’s national debt of $27 trillion dollars in one bold move! How? Simple! By executive order he restricted access to 2020’s live presidential debates to a pay-per-view format. For $99.95 subscribers have access to live debate feeds. For an additional $50 upgrade subscribers gain access to submit questions to the debate production staff. Who knows! Your question may be asked on live TV!
Within four days of tickets going on sale over 268 million consumers spanning four continents purchased a non-refundable ticket to witness one of the most anticipated presidential debates in modern history. The ticket sales tsunami (in US dollars) wiped away existing national debts on record as of August 2020.
“I purchased three tickets as soon as I heard about this!” said Don Whiteman, owner of the three most popular sports bars in Atlanta Georgia. “I’ve no doubts I’ll sell more beer during the debates than I’ve sold all year! Just maybe these debate events will pull me back from filing Chapter 11 after mandated pandemic closures for most of 2020.”
Karen Cooker, President of the Texas chapter of Lifetime Republicans® community paid for a dozen tickets to ensure the top 12 Texas stadiums could stream debates in their updated social-distance marked seats framing these popular outdoor sporting fields. “I’m concerned Texas is drifting toward being a blue state. As a life-long dedicated Republican I’m doing what I can avoid the results of the 1976 election. We all know ’76 was a one-off. Since 1980 our electoral college vote supported the republican presidential candidate. I fear if we go blue in 2020 we’ll stay blue for decades. Just look what happened back in 1876 for heavens sake!” Karen reports, “The $1.00 gate fee for each event will be sent to Ruth R. Hughs, State Secretary to help upgrade and secure polling equipment, volunteer stipends and voter registration efforts.”
How did Trump do it?
One night while enjoying a perfectly broiled steak sourced from the finest Kauai (Hawaii) grass-fed beef (donated by a rancher Trump met back in 2007 while launching Trump Steaks®) Trump fondly recalled his days on the TV show — The Apprentice. The following morning Trump directed his staff to contact all TV network presidents to request their attendance on a secure conference call. During the call Trump negotiated a historical contract.
- The $99.95 fee goes toward paying off the federal debt.
- The $50.00 upgrade fee (that over 134,000,000 people paid at time of purchasing their $99.95 ticket) was split evenly between participating networks.
According to anonymous sources (employee’s of the accounting firm processing subscriber payments) we learned Trump receives 20% of upgrade revenues as a requirement to take part of the pay-per-view consortium.
Of course Trump plans to tout his brilliant idea to pay off debts faster than any prior president in history. He’ll also take credit for being the record-holder of the most watched pay-per-view TV event — ever!
If you haven’t already purchased your exclusive ticket, visit this link to buy your ticket today!